Little Voices

Only five minutes into the yoga practice today, I caught myself thinking "jeez, this is a hard one. My arms are aching. I don't like this posture. I can't hold it much longer. Screw it, it's too hard. I'll never be able to get my leg straight..."

These niggly voices live comfortably and permanently in my head. Sometimes they're having the raging arguments and screaming matches I would never have in person. Sometimes they're reminding me how much happier (and attractive and interesting) I will be when I've bought that new pair of boots -- boots that I deserve because I work so hard. Sometimes they're little grumpy bums whining "I don't wanna get up. I'm still tired..." And often they're sneering and being rude to complete strangers. They're actually quite embarrassing. Thank God nobody else can hear them.

I know this is normal. Maybe what's not so normal is becoming aware of them. A regular yoga practice does a lot of good things to my body -- makes it stronger, more flexible, more coordinated and graceful, particularly more aware of how I sit or stand (or slouch and scrunch). But it's doing a lot of the same things to my mind. Like making it notice how much idle, useless chatter-thinking goes on in there. Chatter-thinking is just an interference, but it stops me from fully experiencing what I'm doing -- and I suspect this prevents me from really enjoying what I'm doing and doing it well. It really is the mind version of a slouch or habitually scrunched up shoulders. Limiting strength and flexibility, restricting movement, causing pain. Your body doesn't move as well as it should if you're slouched; your mind doesn't function as brilliantly as it should when it's constantly noisy.

I imagine we can control our thoughts in the same way as we correct long-term postural problems. I prefer the kind and gentle approach -- the one I'm taking with my shoulders. It starts with noticing when they're scrunched up around my ears, and gently moving them down onto my back where they really belong. It's taking months, but slowly, surely, I'm getting so much benefit from this realignment. Breathing deeply is easier, standing and sitting up straight is possible, my neck and shoulders don't spasm any more... I'm taller. I'm also more vulnerable now that I don't feel "protected" around the neck and chest, but that's another story.

Can I apply this approach to chatter-thinking? Noticing it is easy... it's when I feel resistant to everything and all my energy is in my head. On the yoga mat that's the "this is too hard, I'm never going to... " message. Or the "what on earth is the time?" message. The gentle approach is to check in and see if I'm breathing deeply and smoothly. (I'm not. If I was, I wouldn't be having a whinefest in my head.) So start breathing deeply and smoothly. This pulls the focus from my head into my body, so I can feel what's going on in my trunk and limbs, hands and feet. Honestly if you focus on getting your whole body engaged in even the simplest yoga posture, and keep breathing, you have no room left in your head for idle thinking.

The practice that starts and finishes with no sense of time or resistance is a wonderful example of how good it is to be 100% in the moment. It's only 45 minutes in a much longer day, but if I can bring any of that strong quiet energy and focus into the rest of the day, it will be a big improvement.