Little Voices

Only five minutes into the yoga practice today, I caught myself thinking "jeez, this is a hard one. My arms are aching. I don't like this posture. I can't hold it much longer. Screw it, it's too hard. I'll never be able to get my leg straight..."

These niggly voices live comfortably and permanently in my head. Sometimes they're having the raging arguments and screaming matches I would never have in person. Sometimes they're reminding me how much happier (and attractive and interesting) I will be when I've bought that new pair of boots -- boots that I deserve because I work so hard. Sometimes they're little grumpy bums whining "I don't wanna get up. I'm still tired..." And often they're sneering and being rude to complete strangers. They're actually quite embarrassing. Thank God nobody else can hear them.

I know this is normal. Maybe what's not so normal is becoming aware of them. A regular yoga practice does a lot of good things to my body -- makes it stronger, more flexible, more coordinated and graceful, particularly more aware of how I sit or stand (or slouch and scrunch). But it's doing a lot of the same things to my mind. Like making it notice how much idle, useless chatter-thinking goes on in there. Chatter-thinking is just an interference, but it stops me from fully experiencing what I'm doing -- and I suspect this prevents me from really enjoying what I'm doing and doing it well. It really is the mind version of a slouch or habitually scrunched up shoulders. Limiting strength and flexibility, restricting movement, causing pain. Your body doesn't move as well as it should if you're slouched; your mind doesn't function as brilliantly as it should when it's constantly noisy.

I imagine we can control our thoughts in the same way as we correct long-term postural problems. I prefer the kind and gentle approach -- the one I'm taking with my shoulders. It starts with noticing when they're scrunched up around my ears, and gently moving them down onto my back where they really belong. It's taking months, but slowly, surely, I'm getting so much benefit from this realignment. Breathing deeply is easier, standing and sitting up straight is possible, my neck and shoulders don't spasm any more... I'm taller. I'm also more vulnerable now that I don't feel "protected" around the neck and chest, but that's another story.

Can I apply this approach to chatter-thinking? Noticing it is easy... it's when I feel resistant to everything and all my energy is in my head. On the yoga mat that's the "this is too hard, I'm never going to... " message. Or the "what on earth is the time?" message. The gentle approach is to check in and see if I'm breathing deeply and smoothly. (I'm not. If I was, I wouldn't be having a whinefest in my head.) So start breathing deeply and smoothly. This pulls the focus from my head into my body, so I can feel what's going on in my trunk and limbs, hands and feet. Honestly if you focus on getting your whole body engaged in even the simplest yoga posture, and keep breathing, you have no room left in your head for idle thinking.

The practice that starts and finishes with no sense of time or resistance is a wonderful example of how good it is to be 100% in the moment. It's only 45 minutes in a much longer day, but if I can bring any of that strong quiet energy and focus into the rest of the day, it will be a big improvement.

Going to Town

I needed to walk through town twice today, which was a pretty cruel exercise, given my hypersensitivity about not spending. Town is full of shops, and the only reason a shop is in existence is to get you to buy things from it... and Wellington's shops are very good at it.

They are cute and cheerful, with friendly people inside, and packed with all sorts of things you need. What's more they've all got sales on, and the sales will be over any day, so... you get the picture. My route through town took me past a few favourite shops, which I will dearly miss.

• The Trade Aid shop on Victoria is a treasure trove of lovely things from far-off lands. And shopping there is really about supporting poor artisans isn't it? 
• The T-leaf tea shop, which is almost a grocery shop, but that's a bit of a stretch.
• Unity Books and Pinnacle Books, filled with all sorts of life-improving titles.
• Gubbs Shoes with its massive "Boots Galore" sign.
• and many more.

I went into the library for some peace, but after browsing the cook book section I started to feel starved, which then made every cafe I passed (and Wellington has a ton of them) a temptation to spend money. I really needed a coffee, too...

... but I resisted. I reckon I've saved at least a hundred bucks today, considering what I didn't buy.

Trick from my sister Julie: only go to town when the shops are shut, like on Good Friday or Christmas Day. You can't buy anything and there are no crowds to deal with. I'll keep that one in mind.

The Deep End

When I made a resolution to take a yoga class in 2011 I wasn't expecting it to take over my life. I just wanted to go to a class on the way to work a couple of days a week, do something healthy for my body and mind.

Myoga was the only studio in town that offered classes before work, and it's conveniently enroute to the office. The only problem was that the morning class is a 40-day sadhana practice. That's 40 consecutive days of the same yoga practice.

I knew I would struggle with that kind of commitment, but I also quite enjoy diving in the deep end, so I signed up.

The pain of dealing with a strict morning routine (oh how I struggle with the discipline of doing the same thing over and over!!) quickly transformed into an eagerness to get up and get to class every day. The yoga itself was quite challenging for me, but the benefits of the daily practice were impossible to ignore.

I quickly lost the sense of time that has always plagued me. "How long is this going to take? What time is it? When is this going to be over? What time is it?" At some point this line of questioning disappeared, the practice happened and was over. Did I sleep through the whole thing? No. I started to get focused on the job at hand -- not clock watching, but being in this body as it moves and rests. It's a bit like conducting a science experiment... or playing with a doll.

Each 40-day practice focuses on a different part of the body. The first one was the stem/core. The second was the heart. This week we started on the ear, nose and throat. With each practice, new parts of the body are challenged and woken up. I hurt all over, all over again. My throat hurts, particularly, which isn't really surprising. But after the first week the sore muscles will become strong and flexible.

Today as I sat on my purple mat with the scratches inflicted by Snoopy the cat and looked down at my tights covered in dog hair from the last night's big cuddle with Lucy, I felt totally at home, with these people I hardly know but feel very comfortable among. The practice has taken over my life, and I'm very grateful.

Is Wine Groceries?

This is the most frequently asked question on this blog so far... best answered with a question.

Do they sell it at the grocery store?

It's groceries!

Hello Sneak Previewers

What do you think of it so far?
Is the courier font too hard to read?
I would really like to get a calculator to show the savings adding up, but I'm not sure how to do that yet. Will find out. Could you please post a comment so I can see if it's working?

Any feedback at all ... fire ahead.

Confession: it's quite hard to write this stuff... about how I'm feeling and thinking. Food and gardening is easier -- not so much me me me... but maybe that will fix itself in the blog postings themselves.

XX