A memory a day

What if I wrote down one memory every day? I'll have a book in a year.

I bought a new rain jacket today. It is turquoise, Goretex, really soft and comfortable. It reminded me of the coats mum made for Julie and me when we were about 8 and 5. Around 1968. Not that there is any resemblance. Those coats were mod. They were made from upholstery-grade vinyl, bright orange, stippled slightly to look like leather. They were slightly flared, simple, just-above-the-knee, identical twins with wide collars and two square pockets on the front. Mum hammered the silver snap dome fasteners up the front, making sure they matched exactly. She hand stitched with brown thread around the collar and pockets, and I think up the front opening. They were very mod. They were also heavy and stiff. We could hardly move in them. I think maybe this was part of the appeal for mum, who liked her children to stand still and look good. In all the family photos there are none of us wearing those coats. That surprises me. They were such a dressmaking achievement.

A day later:
I wanted to remember how I felt wearing that coat. It's easier for me to get into that description if I put it in the present tense. I feel like I often feel around clothing. Confused. It's a new coat, it's a happy orange colour. I want to be happy. I feel like a paper doll with a heavy coat stuck on me. Flat. I feel flat and heavy. I can't run and play. I can just stand there. I feel like I've got white gloves on, but that's another outfit, another awkward dressing up and standing outside the Waikiwi church at a little sister's christening. Not knowing what to do or say. Or feel. Just being good.

Mum would dress us up to go out, and we would be on display. People would exclaim at the outfits Mum had made us, always matching, always fashionable, sometimes edgy in a modest, proper way. We were the dolls she dressed up and took out to show her friends. I got used to being scrutinised, and commented on. I felt like my outfits were more important than I was. That's what was confusing. Today I might yell out "Hello!!! There's a human being trapped inside this orange vinyl coat!!!"