Sunday, August 17, 2014

Girls are Better than Boys

Like most women of her day, the minute mum got married she stopped working to become a housewife. She said all she ever wanted to do was get married and have babies. Only girls. It was a Known Fact in our house that girls were better than boys. Both mum and dad swore by that, and mum even suggested that she wasn't able to have any boy babies-- as in not physically able to carry one, and it was clear she didn't see this as a failing. It was a triumph and a talent to produce only girls.

When I was a bit older and understood about miscarriages, I heard mum saying that she thought the miscarriages she had were all boys -- her body rejected them. I am not kidding. What did I think about that? It was a bit creepy to be honest. It sounded a bit extreme. A bit "not quite right". But I couldn't ask or say anything. I just tucked it away as a strange thing, and never forgot it.

Mum obviously felt afraid and powerless about males. For all her bravado and outrageous flirting, she was terrified. "Don't tempt boys!" That was the central theme of my sex education. Don't dress in a way that could tempt boys. Don't talk or look or do anything that might tempt boys. If you do tempt boys, you'll get in trouble and it will be your fault. Needless to say, I thought boys were incredibly dangerous -- anything you did might tempt them, they might do anything if they were tempted (although I had no concept of what that could be, not having a grasp on the deeper realities of gender differences), and they weren't responsible for their actions! Girls were definitely better.

Being the oldest of five girls, I had the additional message that if I 'got in trouble' with boys, then my sisters would too. If I didn't, they'd be OK. Basically, I would set the moral tone for the whole gang of girls. I didn't question that, and took it seriously and literally. While I was having a chaste and worried adolescence, my sisters were living it up with boys! Oh well.

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