Some happy memories associated with mum's obsessions.
When I went to school, I had a home made school uniform, in red and white gingham. When I cam home from school after my first day, my doll, Squinty (because of her squinty eyes), was waiting for me on the kitchen table, wearing a full school uniform identical to mine, with a red school case to finish off the look. Mum must have spend all day making that doll's outfit.
When mum and dad bought the big old house in Princes Street, before we moved in mum decorated our bedrooms with bright, cheerful wall paper, matching curtains, and bedding. We didn't know what our rooms would be like until the day we moved in. My room (I got my own room!) was orange and yellow, and it really was a happy place for an 11 year girl. Julie's room (she got her own room too) was pink and sweet, perfect for an 8 year old girl.
That same year, 1971, on my 11th birthday, mum organised a surprise birthday party, and invited all the girls from my old class at Sacred Heart, and all the girls from my new school, St Patricks. She also made me a beautiful dress -- one of a kind, no matching copies for my sisters. It was a large blue and white check, full long skirt cut on the bias, with a bib in the front, straps over the shoulders that crossed over the back, and a ruffle over the shoulders, and down the front of the bib. It was hanging in the window of the downstairs living room when I came downstairs that morning. I loved it, more because it was one of a kind than anything else.
These were the nice side of mum's surprises.
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Mum was pretty emotional, and there was a lot of up and down in the atmosphere of the house. She was always "on" for guests. She was often "off" on Saturday mornings, which always had an air of anger and frenetic energy about it.
The time she was most upset with me -- to the point that she cried for an entire day, and wouldn't look at me or speak to me, was when I was 19 and she found contraceptive pills in my toilet bag. What was she doing in my toilet bag? Snooping. Looking for evidence that I was having sex. Which I was, finally. And no thanks to anyone else, I was having safe sex, and taking care of the potential not to get pregnant. But I had committed a mortal (unforgiveable) sin by going on the pill. This was horrendous. This Must Stop NOW. How could I betray my parents like this? (I just got more pills after mum had thrown the pack she found out. I hid them better. There was no way I was going to get pregnant before I figured out what to do with my life.)
Here's how I got ready for my first sexual experience. I read a couple of books. From the library and from mum's bedside table (this one was about Catholic marriage, which did involve sex, and details about a woman's fertility and the menstual cycle, so she could avoid getting pregnant by timing things right, rather than the sinful pill. I became an expert in this, and later kept myself un-pregnant for years using that science.)
After I read the books, I made an appointment at the Family Planning Clinic. Not the family doctor. He would have said something to mum, or that's what I believed. I told the Family Planning doctor that I had a boyfriend and was ready to have sex, but didn't want to get pregnant. She listened and took me 100% seriously, and told me what my options were. I was dumbfounded. I'd expected to have to plead my case, beg, and be denied contraception. But no. I think she might have even praised me for being sensible and getting prepared ahead of time. Wow.
Somehow mum thought that by banning the pill, she was stopping us from having sex. She never asked me if I was sleeping with anyone. She demanded, hurt and crying, "Why do you need to be on the Pill?"
"To control my PMS."
"You haven't got PMS!!" (Once I told her I was feeling depressed and she shouted, "What on earth have you got to be depressed about?" and stormed out of the room before I had a chance to answer.)
But anyway. I lied about why I was on the pill. I felt I had to. I suppose I could have said, "Mum, I'm 19 and I'm sleeping with my boyfriend, and I'm on the pill because I don't want to get pregnant." I'm pretty sure she would have had a breakdown and kicked me out of the house. Which wouldn't have been a bad thing, in retrospect.
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